Unwanted Surprises
by tweetypie
Summary: Susan has a calling, and persuades Ben to talk to Michael about life. Abi is unhappy with her love life. Nick returns from the unknown, and Janey has a new boyfriend. Please R & R!
1. Susan's calling

Unwanted Surprises Chapter 1 

_It is early morning and Susan is awake._

"Ben, Ben dear, wake up!" Susan cried dramatically, "I, I've had a bad dream."

Ben's eyes flicker open for a second, but close again.

"BEN!"

"What is it now? I'm not in the mood for bad news." Ben responded, grumpily as usual.

"You're also never in the mood for good news either… but I won't go into that. I've had a calling." Susan fell back onto the pillow, looking with angst into Ben's eyes.

"Very Good," Ben replied sarcastically," What is it this time? Are we going to adopt an orphan? Are you going to become a nun? Go and see Nick…no wait that really is a bad idea."

"Hmmm, we do need to do that soon, but that would be going off the point, and we wouldn't want to do that…."

"No, we wouldn't," Ben murmured under his breath.

"Well now that Nick has found his way into the world, and Janey is happy with that new fella of hers, it seems we need to help Michael."

"Michael? I don't recall such a person, I'm afraid," replied Ben.

"Shut Up! It's just that Michael is going through a difficult phase of his life, and soon it will be too late for you to have any bearing on him at all, so I thought…"

"No!" Ben interrupted, sure of what was coming.

Susan glared at Ben, " so I thought you could start by teaching him to behave responsibly."

"I'm sorry Susan, but your vision of an idealistic child is never going to come true."

"You wouldn't want him to end up on the streets though, cold and alone." Susan stopped, and looked up at Ben's face in a persuasive manner.

"He's 18," Ben shouted, " All the damage has already been done, and cemented over."

"But the cement is still a bit wet, you can still scrape away a few of the last moments of wackiness." Susan smiled knowingly.

"Forget it, Just forget it Susan." Ben got up off the bed, turned and walked into the bathroom, with his head held high.

"Oh Ben dear, can you pick up some olives on the way back from work?" Susan called.

"What for?" He stuttered.

"For dinner, I'm making a surprise."

The bathroom door suddenly swung closed, "So are you going to talk to Michael then?" Susan smiled to herself.


	2. The 'surprise'

Chapter 2 Michael arrives home from college, while Susan is preparing dinner. 

"Michael! Thank God you're home," Susan cried, rushing over to the kitchen entrance.

"Why, have you decided to let me go to Paris now?" Michael asked.

"Ah yes, about that. Well later, your father wants to have a little chat with you, just about life, and adulthood..."

"Okay," Michael replied in a questioning tone, "Why?"

"No reason." Susan lied and turned back to her cooking.

"You know, I could go without your permission, just take off one day, and you would never see me again."

"You would never do that, you would need someone to do your laundry for you, tidy your room, drive your girlfriends away…"

"I never asked you to tell Izzy to leave, I easily could have done it myself," Michael looked away from Susan's glare.

"Oh yes, that's why you kept kicking me across the table!" Susan replied knowingly.

_The front door suddenly slams shut._

"Hello dear, I have a surprise for you," called Susan from the kitchen.

"It isn't the 'surprise' you promised earlier is it?" Ben asked.

"Even better," Susan called smugly.

_Ben walks through the kitchen door._

"I present to you your son!" Susan makes rapid arms gestures to Michael, who skims away.

"And? What am I supposed to read into that?" Ben replied.

"Remember what you said earlier, about you changing your ways, and becoming a better person?"

"I think I must have been sleep-talking at that point darling." Ben sniffed. "Hello Mikey, my boy!" Michael glared at Ben. "Yes, Michael."

Ben walked over to the liquor cabinet; "you won't believe what Roger was doing today. He expected me to take on some of his patients. Why can't he take responsibility? It was him who wanted to be a dentist, so he has to deal with it; or leave the area."

"Yes, and you are very good at telling people these sort of things," Susan leaned on to his shoulder, and looked into Ben's eyes angelically.

"Michael, can you pass me the scotch?" Ben asked.

Michael walked out the room, with bemusement on his face.

"So that is your idea of responsibility? Getting your son to pass you booze?" Susan said, looking ready to throw her 'cooking surprise' over Ben.

"You know what, that might not actually be so bad. I can just get them to run errands. That would give them responsibility," Ben said, with 'would be' wisdom in his voice.

"Yes, and keep you as the lazy slob you've always been."

_Ben left, trying to keep his dignity in tact._


	3. Arrogant slobs

_After dinner, Abi and Michael are in the living room, watching telly._

Susan walks through to the lounge, "Have you seen your father Michael?"

"Yes, he said to tell you that he'd gone to adopt an orphan." Michael smirked.

"Why do lazy slobs always have to drown their sorrows, why can't they ever talk about them?" Susan pondered out loud.

"That isn't just lazy slobs Susan, that's all men," said Abi, scowling.

"Something wrong Abi?" Susan asked with curiosity.

"No," Abi said, though blatantly lying.

"There is, I can tell by your voice- it's because I'm such a good people person."

Michael laughed, then went silent by the glare of Susan's eyes.

"Are you still dating Tom?" Susan asked.

"No, he's an arrogant, cocky, self-obsessed slob." Abi practically spat the last few words.

"Well, you see men like me are a rare breed Abi," Michael said flirtatiously, going to put his arm round her neck, but instantly stopping.

"You're the worst, you're a Harper," she replied with disgust.

"So are you though," Michael said, slightly puzzled.

"Oh, but Michael, the female Harper's have wit, kindness and impeccable cooking skills," said Susan smiling down at him.

"Okay" Michael shrugged away from the two women's glances," I think I might go now." Michael rushed up the stairs.

Abi and Susan nodded at each other, in a declaration of victory.

_Ben walks in through the door. Susan walks over to him, raising her eyebrows._

"Before you start, I wasn't down the pub." Susan folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, maybe I had one drink, but that is nothing compared with some of the other lads down there." Susan looked over at her fingernails, then up at Ben again. " Okay, maybe it was two, but it's my money it's nothing to feel guilty about." Susan leant her chin on her hand, "I'm sorry darling, I'll go and talk to Michael." Susan kissed Ben on the cheek, then watched him ascend the stairs.

Susan returned to Abi, " You see Abi, men may be arrogant, cocky, slobs, but that also means if you have someone like Ben, you can persuade them to do just about anything."


	4. Father son bonding

_Ben is lying on the bed, as Susan enters._

Susan goes into the bathroom.

"Dinner was nice tonight darling," Ben called out.

"Really?" Susan replied, " Is that why I saw you spitting pieces into your napkin?"

"I wasn't spitting your gorgeous food into a napkin. How could you think that? No I just had a very bad…cold."

"Well if you say so dear," Susan emerged from the bathroom, and climbed into bed.

Ben paused, "You know Susan, I've had a great idea, one that would solve all of our problems." Ben faked a grin.

"Let me guess, it involves some sort of dispersion of our children around the globe? Am I correct?" Susan asked.

"Well, in a way yes, but I thought we could send Michael on a camping trip for a couple of um…weeks, so he can learn how to cater for himself."

"By eating bugs, and killing animals, yes Ben it really does sound like a pleasant thing to get our son to do." Susan replied sarcastically.

"Well, do you have a better suggestion?" Ben scowled.

"As a matter of fact I do, I think you should let Michael be your dental assistant for the week." Susan looked for disapproval on Ben's face so she could continue with her attack.

"No way." Ben shouted sharply at her.

"Only for a week, it would teach him to co-operate, behave and give you a chance for father-son bonding." Susan paused.

"I don't want father-son bonding. Michael doesn't want father-son bonding. Neither of us want father-son bonding time!" Ben shouted fiercely.

"I have mother-daughter time with Janey, It's only fair that we both treat our children fairly." Susan stroked Ben's hand.

Ben eased away, "Why? you wanted the mother-daughter bonding time, I don't!"

"Just for a little while, it would please me?" Susan kissed Ben.

"Okay, but don't think you've won. I've needed to get rid of Mrs McGregor for a while. You've given me an excuse."

"Okay. Now, run along. I bet Michael can't wait to hear his new business opportunity!"

_Ben scowled again, then walked out the door._


	5. A Little Chat

_Michael is on the computer in his room._

Ben knocked on the door. "Enter" Michael called.

"Hi, Michael, what are you up to?"

"Flogging the car on the internet." Michael said calmly.

Ben's eyes bulged, "WHAT?"

"Joking father, I was testing your pressure under stress: it's a sign of maturity that you react calmly and collectively in a crisis. I guess that rule doesn't apply to you!"

"Michael, I've come to talk to you, again."

"Mum finally got to you then?" Michael turned around from his computer.

"Why do you say that?" Ben asked.

"Well earlier you were denying becoming a better father, and taking interest, yet now you're all prepared for an interrogation of my life. Why is that father?" Michael looked down on Ben.

"Michael," Ben hissed, "Let's just do this, we don't need to straighten out the other details."

"I think we do father. Don't you remember last time we had a little chat?"

"That was when you were 12, and I don't need to tell you the facts of life now."

"Yes, your attempt wasn't that brilliant then either."

"Look, you're growing up, and you're almost out of your teenage years. You will be going to university, and getting a full time job, and becoming a man, and so…"

"So you've come to tell me everything there is to know about cutting it in the big wide world?" Michael interrupted.

"No, I'll leave that for your mother. The point is would you like to come to… Would you like to go camping on your own for a few weeks?"

Michael raised his eyebrows. "I'll take that as your first attempt. Why not come back tomorrow and have another go? Goodnight father." Michael pushed Ben out of the door, then closes it.

On the other side of the door, Ben sinks and puts his hands over his face.


	6. The monster returns

To avoid Susan, Ben goes down to the kitchen for a 'quiet' night drink 

Ben walks over to the liquor cabinet, for the 2nd time that day. "Come back tomorrow and have another go," Ben murmured under his breath, mocking his son.

"Would mother approve?" a hysteric voice said behind him.

Ben turned around, though all he could see was an empty room.

"Who's that? Michael? How did you get down here so fast?"

"Guess again."

Ben turned around again to find Nick, beaming down on him.

"What are you doing here?" Ben groaned, putting down the glass of scotch, and taking the whole bottle.

"I'm your son," replied Nick.

"Yes you are. So what are you doing here?" Ben repeated.

"Well, I've been missing you all so much I thought I'd come back and say hello."

"Okay, Hello. Are you done now?" Ben took a swig of scotch.

"Aren't you going to give your son a hug?" Nick reached out with open arms, while Ben ducked and walked into the lounge.

Nick followed, "Ah, I see you still haven't repaired the hole in the carpet."

"You put it there in the first place. I thought I'd leave it in remembrance of you, as you weren't here to mess anything else up." Ben replied, somewhat truthfully, sitting down on the sofa.

"Well now I'm back, so where is everyone?" Nick asked, picking up random objects.

"It's half past midnight! Where do you think?" Ben said, his voice ascending as he spoke.

"Uh, down the pub? Wow, even Michael can go now. Hasn't our boy grown up fast?" Nick sat down beside Ben, "So where do I sleep?"

" You don't! You go back to wherever you've spent the last few months of your life, and stay there."

"But dad, you can't just chuck me out. Think of how mum would react when I tell her you neglected your son in his time of need." Ben looked mildly surprised at his son's blackmail speech, then groaned.

"Great! We can stay up all night watching cartoons, like the times we never spent together!"

Ben got up off the sofa and put the scotch bottle down, realising how many times he'd lost a battle in that day: first Susan, then Michael and now Nick. "Goodnight Nick," Ben said, reluctantly.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite father!" Nick called sarcastically.


End file.
